I wanna job

(page last updated 30/08/98).

In case you're thinking of applying for a new job...

These are taken from real CVs and cover letters and were printed in the July 21, 1997 issue of Fortune Magazine:

• "I demand a salary commiserate with my extensive experience"
• "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6 computor and spreasheet progroms"
• "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year"
• "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave"
• "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions"
• "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades"
• "It's best for employers that I not work with people"
• "Let's meet, so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience"
• "You will want me to be Head Honcho in no time"
• "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details"
• "I was working for my mom until she decided to move"
• "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments"
• "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse"
• "I am loyal to my employer at all costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail"
• "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely no one and absolutely nothing"
• "My goal is to be a meteorologist, but since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage"
• "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant"
• "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far"
• "As indicted, I have over five years of analyzing investments"
• "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store"
• "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping', I have never quit a job"
• "Reason for leaving last job: They insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 am every morning, I couldn't work under those conditions"
• "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous employers"
• "References: none, I've left a path of destruction behind me"