Actual insurance claim forms

(page last updated 30/08/98).

These are NEW (mostly), and are the collection made by Norwich Union for their annual Christmas mag.... but ... they`ve escaped.

• "I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought."

• "A car drove away at speed catching our client who went up in the air and his head went through the windscreen and then rolled off at the traffic lights a good few feet away. The car then sped off and miraculously our client remained conscious and managed to cross the road."

• "I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket."

• Q: Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?
  A: Travelled by bus?

• A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were:
  Q - What warning was given by you?
  A - Horn
  Q - What warning was given by the other party?
  A - Moo

• "I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind".

• "I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard."

• "On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way."

• "On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke."

• "Three men approached me from the minibus. I thought they were coming to apologise. Two of the men grabbed hold of me by the arms, and the first slapped me several times across the face. I Knee'd the man in the groin, but didn't connect properly, so I kicked him in the shin."

• "I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control."

• "I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight"

• "I was on my way to see an unconscious patient who had convulsions and was blocked by a tanker."

• "Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his wife while he is there. What shall I do about it?"

• "No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened."

• "I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk."

• Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
  A: I Watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.

• "First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car."

• "Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo."

• "The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again"

• "We had completed the turn and had just straightened the car when Miss X put her foot down hard and headed for the ladies' loo."

• "I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment."

• "Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have."

• "The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention."

• "I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it".

• "I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way".

• "A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face".

• "A pedestrian hit me and went under my car".

• "The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him."

• "In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."

• "I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car."

• "I was on my way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.

• "To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck the pedestrian."

• "My car was legally parked as it backed into the other vehicle."

• "An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished."

• "I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him."

• "The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him."

• "I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the roof of my car."

• "The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth."

• "I was thrown from the car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows."