Guy's Etiquette Test

(page last updated 30/08/98).

Take the first annual "Choose-A-Urinal"(c) Challenge!

(Men should ace this test (or suffer the wrath of men everywhere)....women are on their own. But, there IS a code of the restroom that MUST be followed.)

Example:

The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room.
An X above the number will indicate "in use." (Sample)

  |   |   | x |   |   | x |     indicates men are at stalls 3 and 6.
  | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
  -------------------------

You are to identify correctly, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you are to correctly stand. Good luck!

Easy Section

QUESTION #1

  |   | x |   | x |   |   |          (Stalls 2 and 4 occupied.)
  | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
  -------------------------

Your choice:

ANSWER: 6 - It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy instinctively knows this.

QUESTION #2

  | x |   |   |   |   |   |    (1 occupied..)
  | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
  -------------------------

Your choice:

ANSWER: 6 - Stall 5 is acceptable, but you run a greater risk of being next to someone who arrives later.

Kind of tricky Section:

QUESTION #3

  |   |   |   |   |   |   |   (empty)
  | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
 --------------------------

Your choice:

ANSWER: 1 or 6 - You are tacitly saying, "I don't want anyone next to me."

QUESTION #4

  |   | x |   | x |   | x |           (2, 4 and 6 occupied)
  | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
  -------------------------

Your choice:

ANSWER: 1 - You're stuck being next to at least ONE guy, so you minimize the impact and get a wall on your left. NEVER go between TWO guys if you can help it. Exceptions to this are stadium restrooms where the herd thunders in.

Subtle, tricky, but important to know Section

QUESTION #5

  |   | x |   |   | x | x |          (2, 5 and 6 occupied)
  | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
  -------------------------

Your choice:

ANSWER: 4 - Believe it or not, 1 and 3 "couples" you with the guy in stall 2. And we wouldn't want THAT now, would we? ;-D This differs from question 4 in such a subtle way that the nuances cannot be explained. Suffice to say, only we men would understand!

VERY tricky indeed Section

QUESTION #6

  | x | x |   |   | x | x |          (1, 2, 5 and 6 occupied)
  | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
  -------------------------

Your choice:

ANSWER: NONE! You go to the mirror and pretend to comb your hair or straighten a tie until the urinals "open up" a bit more. If you have to go REAL, REAL BAD... for god's sake, man!...use a doored stall.

Other parts of the Unwritten Code of the Urinals:

NO Talking, unless it's a good friend... but even then, keep it terse and unemotional. This ain't no clubhouse.
I don't think I need to tell you, absolutely NO touching of anyone other than yourself. A touch of another's elbow is of the highest offense.
NO Singing. Period.
Glances are for purposes of acknowledgment only... "Yeah, I see you there. I will not look again".

Robert Chasmer - (C) KAOS 1995-2000.